


Welcome Every Shadow

by romeoandjulietyouwish



Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [2]
Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Crying, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Flowers, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, Past Yasha/Zuala (Critical Role), Protective Beauregard Lionett, Yasha is a Softie (Critical Role), Yasha's Backstory (Critical Role), Yasha-centric (Critical Role)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-10
Updated: 2020-10-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 21:22:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,116
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26934301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/romeoandjulietyouwish/pseuds/romeoandjulietyouwish
Summary: Beau finds Yasha looking at her mural, book of flowers in her lap.
Relationships: Beauregard Lionett/Yasha
Series: Lis Writes Mighty Nein [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2026874
Comments: 10
Kudos: 132





	Welcome Every Shadow

**Author's Note:**

> Oh here we go! I just love these character so much so of course I had to write this. I hope you guys like what I did with Zuala's character :D

Yasha sits on the floor of her bedroom in the Xhorhouse, her legs crossed underneath her. For the first time in what feels like months, her armor is off and her shoulders are slumped. She’s warm, she's safe. 

She looks up at the mural, at all of the flowers and the beautiful blue sky above them. Every time she looks at it she feels the same way she did when Jester first showed it to her, a feeling over overwhelming peace and joy. Back in Xhorhas, Zuala used to describe what she imagined flower fields looked like with a dreamy look on her face. She wishes Zuala could be here to see this one. 

Yasha pulls her book of flowers into her lap and begins to thumb through the pages. In the beginning, she made notes about the flowers, where she found them, who she was with, what she knew about them. But as she collected more it grew harder and harder to keep track of and she needed all the space in the book. In the earlier pages, there are some notes from Molly, bringing tears to her eyes. Some are simply saying hello or pointing to a flower he found particularly interesting, but there’s one that she stops at. 

She remembers the day he wrote it. It had been a rainy day of traveling with the circus, everyone was miserable. Except for Molly. He had been as cheerful as ever. Yasha had been lagging behind, weariness growing heavy in her bones. They stopped for camp that night, canvas strung above their heads to keep off the rain. While she set up her bedroll, Molly appeared over her shoulder and presented her with a little yellow flower, petals wet from the rain. 

Yasha couldn’t help the tears that immediately came to her eyes and she immediately pulled Molly into a tight hug. He had no way of knowing it, but yellow was always Zuala’s favorite. Molly smiled at her and kissed her forehead. She had pressed the flower into her book that night and when she looked at it again in the morning there was a note written next to it in Molly’s handwriting.

She has read this message many times over, and it simply reads: _Whoever receives these flowers, know that she loves you very much._

Zuala would have loved Molly, she thinks. She would have loved to hear his stories. They would have found each other fascinating. Now they’re both gone. 

_Don’t let me be a shackle._

Those words have echoed in Yasha’s head since she heard them in her dream. She’s been mulling them over and over in her head. It’s a very Zuala thing to say. Yasha knows that Zuala would want nothing more than for her to be happy, she would want her to move on and fall in love again. But in the last few months, she’s grown closer with Beauregard. They’ve both become very fond of each other. 

Beau was the one who confessed her feelings first and Yasha can’t remember the last time she was as happy as when she kissed Beau for the first time. Since then, their relationship has been blooming. Both of them have been slightly tentative, unsure of how to navigate their new relationship. But as much as she loves Beau, with every moment she spends with Beauregard, Yasha can’t help but feel that she is betraying her wife. 

“Yasha?”

Yasha whips around over her shoulder and sees Beau hovering in the door of her room, watching her with concern. Yasha knows that she must look like a mess, she quickly uses the sleeves of her shirt to wipe her cheeks.“Oh,” she shuts her book and sets it aside, “I didn’t see you there. Um, what’s up?” 

Beau says nothing as she crosses the room and sits cross legged on the floor next to Yasha. Yasha leans her head on Beaureguard’s shoulder, her eyes closing in the comfort that Beau provides. Beau’s hand rests on her knee, squeezing gently. 

“Are you alright?” 

“Yeah,” Yasha says softly, she sniffs. “Just thinking about…” Yasha trails off unsure if it would be inappropriate to talk to her girlfriend about her dead wife. 

“About Zuala?” Beau asks quietly. There’s a strange tone in Beau’s voice that Yasha can’t quite identify. 

Yasha nods and sits up, looking away from Beau, “Um, we don’t-we don’t have to talk about that if it’s uncomfortable for you or-”

“Yasha.” Beau turns to face her. “I care about you and I care about the things that worry you and-and upset you. I know that Zuala is a big part of you and your life and I don’t want you to forget about her, I don’t want you to pretend that you don’t think about her because you think it will hurt me.”

Yasha looks down at her fingers, picking at her chipping nails. “I don’t want you to think that I don’t love you because I still love her.”

Beau sighs, “This is messy and complicated and super confusing, but I know that you love me. You don’t need to worry about me doubting you.” 

“Thank you,” Yasha squeezes Beau’s hand.

“Tell me about her?” Beau asks as she leans back, allowing space of Yasha’s head to rest perfectly on her shoulder. 

Yasha smiles, “She reminds me of you in a lot of ways. Both of you are stubborn and reckless and have an inherent distrust for authority.” 

“You have a type I see,” Beau teases. 

Yasha rolls her eyes, “I guess I do.” She takes Beau’s hand, lacing their fingers together. “She was so good at reading people and made up her mind in an instant on whether or not she liked them.”

Beau smiles, “I think I would have liked her.” 

“I think you would have too. But the two of you together,” she laughs, “that’s a recipe for disaster.” Beau laughs too. “But as much as she was stubborn and headstrong, when we were alone, she became the softest person I knew. We used to sneak away at night and go somewhere far away, where we could look up at the stars at night.” Yasha sighs. “She would make up stories about nonexistent constellations.”

As Yasha talks about Zuala, she is reminded of the moments and memories she hadn’t even known she’d remembered. She shows Beau her book of flowers, the notes in the margins, and she tells her stories of Zuala. Yasha thought that Beau would grow tired or unhappy with the conversation, but Beau is enraptured, asking questions about Zuala. When Yasha eventually falls asleep against Beau’s shoulder, she feels nothing in her heart but love.

**Author's Note:**

> Please leave a comment or kudos if you enjoyed this! I love hearing what you guys think <3
> 
> You can find me on tumblr @romeoandjulietyouwish


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